Turning Jealousy into Growth: Lessons from Parashah Vayishev
This week’s parashah opens the door to endless conversation about themes like dreams, justice, transformation, favoritism, and ethics.
Joseph is favored by his father, Jacob/Israel, and his eleven brothers are supremely jealous. He has a dream in which they are all sheaves of wheat, and they gather around him and bow down. Then, he has another dream in which the sun, the moon, and eleven stars bow down to him. The brothers are livid, and that dream is a bit much even for Jacob/Israel, who rebukes him.
One day, Joseph gets sent to Shechem where the brothers are pasturing. Nothing good ever happens in Shechem, so of course this is the place where the brothers conspire to kill Joseph. The oldest brother, Reuben, suggests they cast him into a pit, intending to save him later. But, while Reuben is away, the brothers sell Joseph for twenty pieces of silver to the Ishmaelites and stage his death for their father. Joseph’s journey into Egypt begins.
There’s a lot more that happens in this parashah, but the jealousy that Joseph’s brothers feel stands out. In my work with clients, I’ve noticed that feelings of jealousy are often paired with embarrassment or shame, making it hard to admit. My yoga philosophy teacher, Dr. N. Ganesh Rao, once taught me a distinction that reshaped my understanding:
Jealousy is wanting what someone has and wishing they didn’t have it.
Envy is wanting what someone has while still being happy for them.
This distinction matters. Jealousy can drive destructive behavior. If you plot to kill your brother, throw him in a pit, or sell him into Egypt for twenty pieces of silver, you are unlikely to ever have what you want AND you are likely to damage or destroy your relationships.
But envy, when acknowledged, offers a path for growth. If you notice that you are envious of something, you can still wish the person well and take this as information about what you want.
When clients admit to being jealous/envious, I am DELIGHTED. It offers an opportunity to reframe those feelings into clarity and motivation. Below are two reframes and journal prompts to help you turn jealousy into productive envy:
Reframe 1: Feeling envy is a gift—it reveals what I want and where I should go.
Journal Prompt: What exactly am I envious of? What is one small step I can take today to move toward that goal?
Reframe 2: There is enough to go around. Their success doesn’t take away from mine.
Journal Prompt: Is this person truly the only one to achieve what I want? When have I previously experienced a similar success, or have I seen someone else on a similar trajectory?
Though Joseph’s brothers let their jealousy drive them to destructive actions, we can choose to let envy guide us toward self-awareness and growth—and turn our dreams into reality, rather than pits of regret.
